Stop The Shame Cycle: Improve Your Process Instead

Stop The Shame Cycle: Improve Your Process Instead

Have you ever felt like you’ve failed? Like you’re not good enough, or that you can’t do anything right? If so, you’re not alone. Many Leaders feel this way, especially in the early days of starting their business. 

When you fall short of a goal, or don’t get the expected result, you flog yourself. “I’m not a leader,” you say. “I have no business owning a business!”

Imposter syndrome screams more loudly than your rational mind and you spiral. 

Let’s stop right there, friend. You’re not a failure. In fact, you’re driven. 

According to Dr. Doug Brackmann, driven people are wired differently than most. If you feel like your brain is mired in shame, trauma and the fear of impending doom…you may be a driven person (according to his research). 

It’s common among driven entrepreneurs to focus on what could have been done differently, than to celebrate what you did. You have a reward deficiency. Unfortunately, you apply this sense of constantly “falling short” to your identity as a Leader and a person.

How Do We Recalibrate?

One way to stop the shame cycle is to pause. Bring yourself back to the present moment. We know, you hate slowing down, but this really works. Why? Because the present moment is safe.

There is safety in the here and now.

Brackmann says pausing and breathing is meditative, and is one of the best ways to “stop letting your inner gorilla beat you up.” 

While you pause, you’ll feel your nervous system try to recalibrate. This adjustment is uncomfortable, especially if you’re used to a constant state of fight-or-flight.

Lean into this discomfort and give yourself permission to feel calm. (It’s true, many Leaders don’t allow themselves to feel good in the present moment. They need to give themselves permission!) 

We hope this practice helps you discover that your reality is way better — and safer — than you feel.

Focus on Process

OK, let’s get back to the issue at hand. You didn’t get your desired outcome. No amount of breathing is going to change the fact that you or your team dropped the ball or didn’t hit the mark.

What do you do?

First, we want to celebrate that you are outcome-focused. We believe successful delegation is based on outsourcing outcomes, or entire goals, rather than one-off tasks. 

Here is the next step in your journey to stop the shame cycle: You need to think about outcomes differently. Yes, they are goals. Yes, they are indicators of success. But…

Outcomes are also feedback to improve your process.

This wisdom is game-changing when you take a moment to internalize it. Outcomes do not mean you or your team failed. They are a living feedback loop of how your processes need to improve. 

Processes are evergreen. They should be constantly evaluated and fine-tuned. 

Related Content: Are you open to feedback as a Leader? 

Many entrepreneurs tend to skip this step. They don’t spend enough time looking at this feedback loop. Worse yet, they scrap their entire process every time they don’t get their intended result.

Let’s stop that. 

Instead, step back. Look at your team results and acknowledge the feedback loop. Where did this process fail? Where did it succeed? What could you do differently next time?

Entrepreneurs who take responsibility for and ownership over their company processes are more successful — and feel less shame. 

Remember, you haven’t failed. You fell. You can recover from any setback with the right commitment to process improvement.

If you need help growing your team, schedule a free strategy call with us today. We are here to help you find your right-fit teammate who will help you take your business to the next level. 

If you’re feeling overwhelmed or don’t know where to start when it comes to building a remote team, we are here to help.

Schedule a free strategy call with us today so we can get you the help you deserve.

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